I have reached a point where I am so busy that everything is a blur. I don’t know how I got here and I don’t know how to stop it. It’s not necessarily a bad thing and it will give me plenty of memories for the older golden years that I understand to be lonely. Empty nest and all that. Somehow I doubt my life will ever be empty lol. After the kids grow up then will come the grandkids etc. Plus with an empty nest will come the challenges of maintaining my general routine but on a much smaller scale (except for holidays of course!)
It’s funny, too, how life can change in the blink of an eye. I find it fascinating how your petty concerns that seem so enormous one day sudden seem infinitesimally small the next in light of different circumstances. Yet addy the time they seem so insurmountable and impossible to live with and deal with.
I periodically have these flashes of insight where I catch myself reflecting on the moment and wondering how, in the blur of time, I got there.
Yet no matter where life’s crazy roads take us, I knew God intends it for our good. All of our trials and tribulations to test us, strengthen us, and perhaps even to enlighten those around us.
Right now my road involves chasing after toddlers, changing babies, teaching elementary age children. There is a harmony here. It may be a busy song but it is a beautiful one. I don’t think I’d trade a single sleep deprived day of my children for one of absolute quiet and solitude ever. I like quiet and solitude and I do look forward to nap time every day but it’s kind of like taking a pit stop in a car race. You don’t want to not be in the race at all but a brief reprieve is rather necessary to keep all systems functional lol.
Little things that happen can change perspective. Seeing Mark calling around and starting to sample table food, for example, causes me to realize that David is growing up and his irritable protests from his high chair are his way of saying, “Hey I’m growing up and I don’t need to be treated like a baby any more!
Seeing how my mother-in-law still needs to know every detail of Shane’s business to feel self fulfilled makes me realize that one day my boys too will grow up. It makes me wonder… Will I be like my mother-in-law or will I have the strength to let go and realize that they are men – adults in their own right. Or will I forever see them as little boys? For everyone’s sakes I certainly hope it’s the former. I would like to be available to help but at the same time know where my limits are. That shall be the goal to which I strive. Life is too short. And it’s too complicated for me, a mere human, to try and control. I think I will leave the controlling to God.